Missing
by Kakeranokirei
Summary: Zuko feels the weight on his heart as he searches throughout the countryside looking for something to make him feel whole again. This story is five years after the end of the anime.


Nights where the moon shone brightly in the midnight sky like this made him feel particularly empty. It had been five years ago that he took over as Fire Lord after his father's demise. He had thought things would get better, but instead, he still felt as lost as he did when he had originally taken the position. At first, he had attributed it to the sudden loss of adrenaline, but after a few skirmishes with himself being in the frontlines, he knew for a fact that it was something else, something more.

Mai knew. Her solution had been to have children, and now here he was, father of three but no more fulfilled. Mai seemed to have given up all hope on him, but only stayed because they were royalty. She would never voluntarily give up that position and he wouldn't make her. He wasn't cruel and he needed her there. She helped with making decisions when he wasn't around, which was more often than he could have anticipated.

His trips contributed largely to that fact. At first it was only one night, but then it gradually became a few weeks and even a month. At the current time, he was near Ba Sing Se with no apparent reason why. The only explanation he had was that he sometimes visited places in his past subconsciously. Maybe this place would have the answers he was looking for, but like every hope he had before with each new territory, he highly doubted it.

ZK ZK ZK

Nights where the moon shone in the midnight sky like this made her feel particularly empty. She could never put her finger on it exactly. When she told Aang about it, he said it was only the moon calling to her inner waterbender, but she doubted it. It was something more, something she wasn't seeing. Kissing her sleeping husband's forehead, she slipped out the doors and into the night streets. There was a place she had found where she could just gaze upon the moon's lonely face and not be questioned. Not even Aang knew about the place, she made sure of that. If he knew, he'd always be up there bugging her. What's the point of getting away if the same old people followed her?

It was a silent night. Not many people roamed the streets and those who did were the kind that kept to themselves. She moved soundlessly through alleyways till she found her place to begin climbing. At the top stood a man, staring hypnotically out towards the sky. She cursed under her breath, but pulled herself up anyway. She figured that she could keep walking until she found a new place, and hopefully this man wouldn't tell anyone below about the spot.

He turned around as she neared. "I'm sorry if I am in your way. The moon just looks especially beautiful in this area."

She shrugged, still slightly peeved but not wanting to make something out of it. "I can find another place. Just be sure not to tell anyone else. Not a lot of people know about the view from here." His face seemed familiar, and her mind tugged at her memory. Did she know this person?

It looked like he was having the same dilemma, turmoil running across his face. "Do you... live here?"

She nodded. "Yes. My husband and I own a house down below. It isn't much, but we make due."

"Have you always lived here?"

"No. I used to travel a lot. Hey, do I know you from somewhere?"

ZK ZK ZK

Something was telling him to stop walking, so he did. Looking around, the only thing that caught his eye was the moon. It seemed so foreign, yet so familiar. It reminded him of something...or someone. He almost had a name on his lips when he heard the sound of rustling coming from behind. He cautiously turned, only to see a young woman standing there, a look of displacement in her eyes.

He was unsure of what to say, but feeling that he was taking this place away from the woman, he spoke up. "I'm sorry if I am in your way. The moon just looks especially beautiful in this area."

She shrugged. "I can find another place. Just be sure not to tell anyone else. Not a lot of people know about the view from here." Despite her words,, he still didn't feel welcome. He knew that this, too, was another place he didn't belong. And yet... he was almost comfortable here.

"Do you...live here?"

She nodded hesitantly. She didn't trust him, but then again, he was a strange man standing in her place. "Yes. My husband and I own a house down below. It isn't much, but we make due."

There was something more he was looking for, something that didn't seem right. "Have you always lived here?"

"No. I used to travel a lot. Hey, do I know you from somewhere?" He turned his attention back to the moon, hearing from her a muffled gasp as he did so. He looked over to her, hands over her mouth. "Zuko? Zuko, is that really you?"

This woman, she knew him, and judging from the informality, she knew him personally or from before he became Lord. Looking her over, he stopped when he caught her eyes. They shone brightly, a blue that he had only seen in one other person before. "Katara?"

She nodded and took a slow step toward him. "Zuko... what are you doing here? I thought you would've been busy with the Fire Nation reforms."

And just like that, everything made sense. This was what, or whom, he had been looking for, the empty piece in his life. This is what his mind was trying to connect him to. Katara, the girl he had always loved but had never known it until this instant.

ZK ZK ZK

The man seemed stiff and by her last question, he turned towards the moonlight once again. Now that she was closer, she could see a horrible burn scar on the side of his face. Only one other person she knew had that. She gasped, trying to cover it up with her hands. "Zuko? Zuko, is that really you?"

Of course it was him, dummy. She almost hit herself in the forehead. Looking up into his golden eyes as he tried to remember her, she felt the sudden impulse to run into his arms. She had missed him, unbeknown to herself. Finally, he managed to choke out her name. "Katara?"

It sounded cool on his lips, and she stepped forward, nodding as she did. She had so many things she wanted to ask him, so many things she wanted to tell him, but all she could say was "Zuko...what are you doing here? I thought you would've been busy with the Fire Nation reforms." It didn't make any sense, him being here. He was supposed to be miles away with Mai, not here with her.

She could tell by the look on his face that he had no more of an idea than she did. He didn't fit right with the picture, standing awkwardly in her spot, the top of her hill where she usually laid until the moon set. Nothing about the situation seemed right, but it did, all of it seemed right and it didn't make any sense to her.

"I should go."

"Wait!" She grabbed onto his sleeve as he turned to leave. Staring into his eyes made her want to swoon. Why did she grab onto him? Why didn't she just let him go? So many questions were circling around in her head. Busy in thought, she didn't notice him step past her arm until his lips were pressed up against his.

ZK ZK ZK

He said the only answer he could think of. "I should go." He didn't belong here. He was intruding on her life. He was out of those chances to be in her life now. Come on, she was married for heaven's sake! She was probably happier with this husband of hers than she ever could've been with him.

"Wait!" she called out, pulling onto his sleeve as she did so. He turned back, assessing her with her eyes. She seemed trouble, and truthfully, he didn't want to leave her, especially since he had answers now. He waited for her to say something and when she failed to, he stepped past her grasp and kissed her.

He didn't know what reaction to expect. He was a married man, a powerful man, and she was a married woman, married to a powerful man. He certainly didn't expect her to kiss him back, especially so eagerly. What now, he asked himself. Did they run away together and get married and start their lives together? Would they begin to see each other once a month? What happened next?

He let go of her and stepped back. "I'm sorry. This is wro-"

"Shh," she whispered, pressing her finger to his lips. "It doesn't have to be wrong. We don't have to be wrong."

ZK ZK ZK

A million thoughts went through her mind as he pressed his lips against hers, but the predominant one was that this was right, this was what she had been waiting for, and she wanted more of it. She wanted to be fulfilled, to no longer be confused and empty. This was the one man who could give it to her, and who knew that it could only be Zuko.

Of course, she should've known. She had a crush on him for as long as she could remember. He was the whole reason she was even living, him saving her and all. But she had figured, stupid, stupid her, that princes don't marry peasants and that Zuko already had Mai so where did she fit in? And Aang seemed like the right choice at the time. He was the more stable of the two. She hadn't even known if Zuko liked her back. She hadn't known.

He stepped away, letting go of her. Her skin tingled from his touch. "I'm sorry." No, no, no! He shouldn't be saying this, he kissed her first! She didn't want apologies or explanations; she just wanted him. "This is wro-"

"Shh," she whispered, pressing her finger to his lips. "It doesn't have to be wrong. We don't have to be wrong." She wanted to just pretend that she had chosen him over Aang, that she was married to him instead. But if he kept talking, she wouldn't be able to pretend. As she pulled off his pants, she could easily imagine that she had spent every night for the past five years safely tucked in his arms.

He laid her gently on the grass. She breathed deep into his shoulder as his hands took to the task of undressing her. The smell of him made her dizzy. She hoped that he wouldn't realize that she wasn't that good at sex. She had tried it once with Aang, but it wasn't pleasant and it was extremely awkward. After that, it was just kisses. She didn't think that Aang liked it anymore than she did.

Sex with Zuko made her feel like this was what her body was created for. He went gentle at first, but with each deep breath, he seemed to lose himself to the point that she knew that she'd have bruises once her skin settled. She muffled her cries in the nook of his neck, knowing that there was a possibility that the few people awake below could hear them. She knew that they couldn't see anything, but she didn't want anyone to come to investigate. She just wanted to be alone with this man, this lord on top of her.

ZK ZK ZK

He couldn't help thinking of his wife as he laid Katara out on the ground after she started to unclothe him. He didn't love Mai but he was loyal. As he looked into Katara's face, he knew that his loyalties had always lied with the woman beneath him. Besides, he wouldn't have been surprised to find that Mai was sleeping around. And if not, the only reason would be so there wouldn't be a palace scandal.

He began to undress her, kissing her body gently as he did. As she laid naked underneath him, he had the impulse to just look at her. She was beautiful, her blue eyes bearing into him. He kissed her lips and nuzzled her hair. He could get lost in her so easily, get lost in the fact that they could've been together, that this didn't have to have been such a forbidden thing.

He at least attempted to be gentle, but he could tell that she wasn't a virgin and that made him mad, like she was his and someone had defiled her. If he hurt her, though, she said nothing, only cried ecstasy into his shoulders. He liked the feeling of her small hands on his back, clutching his skin. Sex with her made him think that this was what his body was created for.

ZK ZK ZK

She laid against his bare chest as it rose and fell slowly. Looking up at his face, she was surprised to see his golden sun eyes staring back at her. "What happens now?" he asked.

"I lay here and we are together until the sun rises. Then I go back to my home down below and you go back to your nation." It was a hard decision to make, and she bit her lip to try and suppress the tears. This was the only way it could be, though. She couldn't just up and abandon Aang, and a divorce would tarnish Zuko's reputation. Plus she was still the peasant and he was still the prince and that still made this impossible.

"Katara..."

"Zuko, we're adults now. Our chance to be together ended five years ago." She buried her head into his heartbeat. She didn't want to argue with him. If he could think right now, he'd realize that she was right.

"I love you."

Why'd he have to say that? She bit her lip and wept silently into his chest. She knew that he could feel it but he said nothing and only put his arms around her. She fell asleep and only Zuko's gentle nudging woke her. The sun was rising. Their time was up. She pulled her clothes to her chest in an attempt to cover herself.

"I'm sorry," he said, kissing her forehead. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

She wiped away the now dry tears off her face. "I'm sorry, Zuko. I want to be together with you, I really do, but..."

"I know." He kissed her lips this time. "We can always pretend, can't we?"

She smiled sadly and nodded. "I do love you, though."

He rose up off the ground and began to dress himself. "I know, Katara."

She watched him head off into the distance, leaving her to cry to herself before she had to head down below and resume her life as Aang's loyal wife.


End file.
